Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Stressed to the Breaking Point

A view of my back yard.
Today was not a good day for me.

I know compared to the troubles other people have mine are trivial, but still, its getting to me in a BIG way.

My son, who has been sick but was all better yesterday, vomited again.  That, of course, cancelled my plans for a day out of the house.  That was an outing I REALLY needed for mental health reasons.

Instead of going out for a nice lunch with my mother in law and the boys, I spent my hours this morning cleaning, only to have my husband come home and re-do everything I just did and THAT killed two birds with one stone.

First, that is his way of saying my cleaning isn't good enough and second, I essentially wasted 3 hours of my day off doing something that he was going to do when he got home anyway.

So, I'm fighting with my husband and a little annoyed (but trying hard not to be because its not his fault) at the kid for being sick on my day off when he was ALL BETTER yesterday while I was at work.  The Labrador is pacing and panting and pacing and panting with his toenails clickclickclickclicking the whole time and I'm about to pull my hair out.  So with everyone else in the living room, I fled to my bedroom for peace and solitude.

What does any that have to do with this lovely view of my not so lovely back yard?

No sooner had I lain down and was actually about to doze off (I didn't get much sleep last night) then my husband brings the pacing and panting Labrador into the bedroom and locks him in with me!

I might have thrown a little bit of a temper tantrum at this point.  I remember screaming something about not being able to find one moments of peace in my own *insert expletive here* house before going out in the back yard, slamming the door behind me in a very non-adult like fashion.

What can I say, sometimes I just run out of the fuel it takes to be an adult.

Anyway, I spent about an hour sitting in a grungy chair at the side of my house looking out over my back yard and wishing it were more of a sanctuary.

Its not a very pretty yard.  It didn't do much to raise my spirits.  I went inside with a list of things I'd like to do with the yard, and the realization that we are too freaking broke for me to do any of it.

There were a lot of tears on my part today.  I'm having heart palpitations again (the get really bad when I'm stressed), and I bet my blood pressure is through the roof.  Not to mention that I'm STILL sick myself.  Still coughing 3 weeks after the initial onset of this dang thing.

I'm definitely down in the dumps tonight.  I'm feeling all used up.

8 comments:

  1. Oh you are having a really rough time! It sounds like the same illness hubby and I had for 4 weeks each! It was really horrible coughing all the time and no sleep. Leaves you feeling wiped out so I can empathise. Hopefully in a few more days it will pass. Re the garden can you buy or get a few seeds from friends and sow them? You could have some lovely pretty flowers in the summer. Most of all sending gentle Hugs

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    Replies
    1. I've still got the cough, and my oldest son is still puking every other day. Not every day, just every other day. When sick settled in around here it decided to stay forever.

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  2. Don't you hate that feeling of not being good enough? Yesterday my husband started washing his own laundry before I got a chance to do any. It's his way of saying that I'm not doing it fast enough.
    The dryer has been without a heating element for over a year. I just do small loads since it take hours to dry. I always throw in 4 or 5 pieces of his clothing in to each load, so it's not like he has NO clean clothes.
    It upset me to the point of not wanting to do anything...just let him do it all.
    Thankful for nice weather to hang clothes on the line now, so I can do his laundry by itself again like I usually do.

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    Replies
    1. Mine started doing his own laundry a long time ago. I'm not sure why, but I'm not arguing the point. He's more than welcome to do his own laundry, and he's about to be more than welcome to be the only person to sweep and mop the house.

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  3. First of all, stress is relative and you certainly sound maxed out! For relief, taking that pacing Labrador for a nice long walk would have helped me more than anything. But of course, it would have helped the dog too. Hoping you feel better, in all ways, soon.

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    Replies
    1. Unfortunately a walk would not have helped Boomer. He is 12 years old, has horrible arthritis and can't handle much more than a walk to the end of the street and back.

      Not to mention the out of control dogs allowed to run loose in our neighborhood. Boomer has never been attacked (thank goodness cause he would never fight back), but Rusty has been attacked 3 times by aggressive dogs allowed to run off leash.

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  4. Sorry you are not feeling good and having a bad day. I hope your goes better soon.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. I feel like I'm in a downward spiral right now with things getting worse, not better, but it has to end sometime, right?

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