Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Filling Notebooks

Around the time I was in 6th grade, I had decided that I didn't want to go into veterinary medicine anymore.  I wanted to be a writer. 

Up until then I was pretty sure I wanted to be a vet.  I loved animals.  Maybe a little too much.  My dad used to call me Elmyra (after the character from Tiny Toon Adventures who used to love her death.)

In 6th grade I remember every class made us keep a special notebook, and the first few minutes of every class (even math) you had to do a writing assignment in that book.

Up until then I loved to read, and I thought writing was fun, but it was in that year that I began to LOVE to write.  My desire to be an author flourished under the praise lavished on me by my teachers.  Looking back, I'm sure every student got encouraging notes on their assignments, but at the time I was convinced I must have some grand talent. 

Meanwhile, that is around the time that a 5 Subject college ruled notebook became something that I carried with me EVERYWHERE. And if filled them up with writing.

I wrote bad poetry, and short fiction that I never finished.  I started a multitude of novels.

I didn't finish the novels either, but made it further on them than I have on any of my more recent fiction writing endavors.

And it IS fiction that I wanted to write "when I grew up."

I've never been a fan of non-fiction.  I have a hard time reading it and an even harder time writing it.

Unfortunely, I'm 32 now and I'm still not a "writer."

I never did get anything published.  And unless you count paid to post places like Bubblews, I've never been paid for my writing.

I grew up.  I got a job.  I started a family.  Often by the end of the day when I can finally sit down and write, I don't have the energy left to dance my fingers across the keyboard, most less pick up a pen and fill a notebook like I used to.

I think my writing muscles have atrophied from disuse.

Now, I've happened onto a lot of places online where you can earn a few pennies for posting your own writing, but they all have one thing in common.  They cater to the nonfiction side of writing.

I had trouble writing non-fiction even when writers block was NOT a problem I had to deal with.  Now that I can barely put enough words together to form a complete sentence I don't think I have a snowflakes chance in Savannah of giving them what they want.

I wonder though....are my days of filling notebooks really over, or can I flex my muscle of creativity enough to get the words flowing from my fingertips again?

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