Friday, March 1, 2013

I Can't Quit and It Just Sucks

Today is the first day of March.  A brand new month.  Another chance for a fresh start.

I wanted to being it by screaming, "I QUIT!"

Two nights ago as I was trying to pull all the loose hairs out of my head (I shed like a cat when I'm stressed) I nocited that one of them was grey at the roots.

Grey hair.  I'm only 31.

Its the stress.  I'm sure of it.  Ever since that day in Feb of 2010 when my husband told me he had lost his job I have felt nothing but stress, and it is taking its toll on my body.  I'm simply worn out.

Even in my "free" time I've been spending every second online trying to earn a few extra pennies here and there.  So every day before work and after work I'm working another job, for much less than minimum wage.

Money.  There is never, ever, EVER enough of it.  At least not for my family. While some people out there will spend more than I make in a month on a single pair of shoes, I have to wonder if we'll even be able to afford to buy groceries.

Well, after the grey hair added on top of the stomach pain and the chronic headaches and the general notion that the whole world is out to get me, I made a deceleration to myself last night.

March was going to be my "vacation" month.  I was going to quit.

While I can't quit my "real" job of course, I was going to take back my free time, make it mine again.

I was going to blog, for the fun of blogging.  I was going to make crafts for enjoyment, not to sell.  I was going to write fiction, and start writing in my journal again.  I was going to leave my computer and go watch movies or curl up on the sofa and read.

But that just isn't to be.

See, first thing this morning I was informed that after the house payment is made we will have a whopping total of $24 in our bank account.  Not only that, but somehow we have to cut down the grocery budget again, which I've already cut down to the bare minimum.

So, for yet another month I have to stress and worry and spend all my free time trying to earn extra pennies to pay bills with. 

I'm starting to wonder how long I can keep going like this.

2 comments:

  1. Good luck keeping on top of everything during these difficult times. We've all been there and it's hard to keep pushing through, but I know you can do it.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. We're still floating *knock on wood* and I have the best in-laws in the world. My mental state, however, is more of a scribble than a straight line right now...if that makes any sense at all.

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